In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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