Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
