I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
