mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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