Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
