Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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