dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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