I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im six kinds of drunk right now
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize