Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
