I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
