Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
