the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
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Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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