so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
