ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
