and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
