At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize