If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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