DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
be right there i have to get my cape
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
