its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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