before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
