I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
