Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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