very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
