i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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