The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
