meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
