your thong is hanging out like whoa
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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