it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He better not be in your backpack
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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