k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
