i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
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