i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
