Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
