how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We have started to decorate penises.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
