Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
