Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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