so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
