So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
