so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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