i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
