Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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