and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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