If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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