He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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