Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize