ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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