he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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