I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
