Your tits are I can't wait for
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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