I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
