Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize