she kept yelling 'call me bella'
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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