Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
