mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
