You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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