need another drink. this is the easiest way
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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