It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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