i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
