Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
