what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
