Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
