So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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