Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
