I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
