how can u be prego again
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
