Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
