Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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