All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
