I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Can I color on your dick again?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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