I looked at my own cervix.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
