I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
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