you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
