i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
