so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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