Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I love you. Go after that dick
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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