I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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