When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It's just like the Real World with babies
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
