I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
