I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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