new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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