omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
