The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
